


A touch of cold

by TomatoSauceToughts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, Flashbacks, Other, Trauma From Lucifer's Cage (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29382231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TomatoSauceToughts/pseuds/TomatoSauceToughts
Summary: Sam Winchester and the Cold.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Jack Kline & Sam Winchester, Lucifer & Sam Winchester
Kudos: 8





	1. The Snow

When he was younger Sam used to love the snow

It meant there was a higher chance that they would stay because of a storm. It meant Dean would go outside with him and build a snow fort and throw snowballs. It meant that he could watch the flurries fall onto the earth and coat the world in white.

The snow reminded him of pureness, and he would lay in it because it made him feel a little cleaner, like King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Even if he knew he could never be that good, because even at a young age Sam Winchester thought of himself as tainted.

As Sam got older though, he favored the snow less. It made hunts all the worse. The red that stained the white made him want to throw up. It reminded him of all the times he failed, as a son, but also as a brother.

Sam didn’t hate the snow though; He still would spend nights watching the snow fall from Jim Murphy’s porch and the church where the Pastor preached and as Sam would kneel and pray, he would feel as if maybe the world was just a little bit better. The winter always seemed to calm the monsters down to. The number of cases would go down for the holiday seasons and his family seemed to be just a little more at peace.

When he went to Stanford and was dating Jess they would go and see her parents, and Jess and him would go on walks as the moon was high in the sky and the ground was coated in a thick layer of snow. Jess would end up dragging him into the local café to get a cup of hot cocoa, and they would laugh and share a kiss under the mistletoe.

It was snowing the day that Sam and Dean had celebrated Christmas after four years apart, after Jess had died, and after Sam had left behind his dreams for an apple pie life. It was one of the better times after everything that had happened.

Sam was older and he hated the snow.

The snow dug up memories that had long been buried. The snow made days harder, it made Sam less likely to get out of bed and try, try for Jack and Cas. Not for Dean though, because he would always try for Dean. Despite the Snow

The Snow reminded him of every Christmas where Dean was not there. The snow reminded him of all the times he had failed Dean: Purgatory, Hell, Michael, and so many other times. It reminded him of the fact that he deserved to be back in Hell.

The Snow was cold and reminded him of Lucifer. It reminded him of Lucifers touch and how no matter how hot his showers were and how much he scrubbed, how he could never feel completely warm again. The white of the Snow reminded him of Michaels wings when he would show them just so Sam could feel his eyes bleeding and sometimes fall out their sockets.

The snow reminded him of the fact that he was tainted and that he had Demon blood in his veins. It reminded him of all the times he was locked into the panic room. It reminded him of all the people he let down, Dean, Jess, Castiel, Jack, John, Mary, Charlie, Kevin, and so many others. The snow reminded Sam of the fact that he was worthless and didn’t deserve to have people in his life. Sam Winchester believed he broke everything he touched.  
Sam Winchester Hated the Snow.


	2. The Ice bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8x21 after the ice bath

Sammy can you hear me.  
Sam hey  
sa  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
It was cold, his breath ran up and down, his nerve system still jumping around even though he felt as if he were freezing to death, except he couldn’t freeze to death for he was already dead and facing a far worst fate.

His laughter rang throughout the cage drooping the air temperature even farther than physically possible, but then again, he was with two archangels who had no care for physical matters, no he had been taken apart and put back together by blood and guts, he had watched even as his eyes had been taken out, as he was put together like a jigsaw puzzle done by a two-year-old who had never been taught that some pieces just didn’t belong with others.

That was the best way to describe Lucifer, a two-year-old who didn’t share well and who got angry when he didn’t get his way. Lucifer was angry, because no matter what he did, no matter how many times he had violated Sam’s body he could never get a yes and how that made him angry and more vicious.

The laughter surrounded him, and he didn’t know hat to feel it was constant pain and fear and it was cold all of it, the air, the bars, the chains, his breath, his touch. It was never ending cold.

Suddenly he felt warmth and the cold seemed to seep out of his bones, but there were fingers touching him and he pushed which he knew was going to get him in trouble, but he just needed it to stop for a second. The darkness faded from his vision as a warm scratchy towel was wrapped around his shoulders and there was Dean.

Dean was saying something, but Sam couldn’t hear it he was too busy taking in details Allowing himself to see if it was a hallucination because no matter what powers Lucifer had, he could never get the details to be perfect. He could not capture the shadows in the corners of the room just write or the voice of his brother, no matter how close he got. Sam realized that it was real.

Sam also realized how his body ached and his nose was stuffed. He noticed how his vison was slightly hazy and how he still felt cold, but it wasn’t the cold that the cage had no it was a cold that was achy but wouldn’t stick to his bones. He realized that he was sick, and even though it felt terrible to Sam it was a blessing. For he had his brother and was away from the cage and there were no angry archangels no there was only Dean and the motel that was hideous but felt safe.


End file.
